To Members of the Legislature:
I asked for help. The system threw me to the wolves. Pass S-5000/A-6206 to break this cycle.
I was arrested for drug possession. When I stood in front of the judge, he was pissed. I missed my first court date and was late to this one. All my life drugs is all I knew. I knew what drugs did to you until I used them myself. I thought I could fix this on my own. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I asked that judge for help. I told him that I was sick and needed help and he said “if you have a drug problem, I’m going to lock you up to help you out.” They threw me to the wolves man.
I was sent to this place called Green Street. I was so sick, and they just left me without access to anything. I remember laying in my own vomit, feces, and piss and asking for help. One CO told me “who told you to get high? If you die you die, you’ll make our lives easier.” That really changes your perspective on things. When you get treated like that you start to see life differently. You start to feel like the animal in the cage.
I did two years in prison for a three-year term. When I went on parole, I was using in prison, so of course I was using on the streets. If you’re doing state time, you’re still a state inmate until you max out. So when I tested positive for drugs, my parole officer called and said they are going to pick me up or I’m going to turn myself in. I honestly thought the first time they would give you a warning. When I got to the office they put handcuffs on me and took me to Logan Hall. I spent 90 days at Logan Hall that first time. The fact that I didn’t get no help made it harder to come home to get a job and have money in my pocket. I suffered from substance use disorder and never got the help.
I remember the first time parole sent me to an NA meeting and I had to sign the paper, not knowing what I was getting myself into. They demanded I go and expected me to be cured. My wife told me “all you do is go to this meeting and that meeting and you forgot your family.” That was the green light for me to stop going to these meetings. And then I started to use again. And then I tested positive again and my parole officer sent me back. This is the cycle they put you in man. People are supposed to be professionals but they keep telling you that “you’re a piece of shit addict.” I remember one nurse saying to me “shame on you, you’re screwing up the lives of your family,” and I looked at her and thought “what about my life, I’m sick.”
That first time they sent me to Logan Hall, I thought it would be for 30 days but 90 was extreme. It happened two other times. The third time they sent me back in, I had four months until I was maxed out. So I just maxed out at Logan Hall so I didn’t have any parole on top of me. I didn’t want to keep going back and forth.
The parole reform bill (A-6206/S-5000) being debated in Trenton right now would change some of this. It would limit how long someone can be sent back for a technical violation. It says you can’t be reincarcerated just for drug or alcohol use, or for not being able to pay fines. It lets people earn parole compliance credits faster. These are important changes. They would have made a difference for me.
But here’s what the bill doesn’t address, and what really needs to happen: it doesn’t happen overnight. You’re not gonna get clean or good until you get the right help. This takes a lifetime. You’re not cured overnight. You’re not cured by being locked up for two years. People have been dealing with this all their lives. I was in there surrounded by professionals, not getting the help, and the cycle continued. One day I got tired and went to the methadone clinic. My wife passed away, and I decided to ask for help, and I’ve been clean ever since. That’s been eight years. Not because of prison. Not because of parole threatening to lock me up. Because I finally got actual help.
Now I’m a Harm Reduction Navigator at New Jersey Harm Reduction Coalition. I work with people who are exactly where I was. And here’s what I know: when I got clean, I wanted to be a parole officer to make a change, to help people who needed to be heard. But I couldn’t because of my record. Here’s what should happen instead: When someone tests positive for drugs, that should be an indicator they need a harm reduction navigator. Call someone like me — someone who has lived this experience and knows how to help. That’s how you actually help someone, not send them back to the system. Involve us with it. We help people.
Listen, I didn’t think I was going to make it to 25. I’ve been shot, stabbed twice. My best friend died in my arms — he pushed me out of the way and took the bullet meant for me. There’s a reason I’m still here, and I’m gonna do the best I can to my last breath to make all my wrongs right. No one’s gonna get in front of that.
Pass this parole reform bill. But don’t stop there. We have to make a change. We can’t continue to allow this to happen to human beings who have no idea what they’re walking into. We have to change that narrative for them. Every time I think about the people we serve and what they’re going through, I feel their pain. They need help, and I know we can do it.
Sincerely,
Felix Duprey
Harm Reduction Navigator
NJHRC
